Runaway Baby

In my short 34 years I have been blessed to have some pretty awesome women in my life. I come from a very conservative background, my parents were extremely strict with my brother and I. The rules back then seemed almost impossible to deal with and I spent most of my teen years trying to rebel against them and anything that resembled control and authority. When I was eleven I ran away from home for the first time with one of my best girlfriends. Boy was that stupid, not only did we get caught we stole her mother's car, her checks and got caught across state lines into Mississippi. Then as luck would have it I did it again, when I was 13. This time we got lost, ended up in New Orleans, slept in a hotel parking lot, and totaled her mother's car. Believe you me my parents had every right to disown me. I remember my mom's face the first time I ran away, the hurt and pain from believing I might never have been found. I wish I could tell you I straightened up after that but I didn't I continued to push the buttons of my parents sanity. My mom spent many a night praying for me, loving me and giving me the best advice she knew how to give, she was my first mentor.
When I was 15 I started making huge mistakes with boys, yes I said boys. My dad the "strict" one allowed me to double date when I was 15, my curfew was ten. Crazy, insane when I think about my daughters going out on a date at 15??? I jumped from relationship to relationship, doing things and being places that aren't for 15 year olds. It was an insane time for me, I was lost and had no direction,my emotions, like most young girls was everywhere. And each guy I let in took a piece of my heart. When I look back at those times I remember feeling like each piece was ripped from me, leaving big gapping holes. God sent me someone very special, my second mentor, my youth pastor's wife. When I was 15 I was too proud to talk to my parents and way to embarrassed to talk to them about what was going on with my life. My mom and dad had never been really great with communication, and like most parents, teenagers can become these weird creatures, not the sweet innocent little things you use to catch sneaking cookies out the cookie jar. My mother I assure you is freaking out right now. She would say, we did too talk to you. But I guess at that point in my life it wasn't enough. Believe me I've made plenty of mistakes as a parent and I haven't even reached the teenage years yet, I'm just glad and thankful that when I didn't talk to them they allowed me to talk to someone else. Someone who I could be accountable to. This woman not only listened to crazy rants about boyfriends and curfews and rules but was honest with me. She didn't just tell me the things I wanted to hear but made me think about the things and the choices I was making. She helped me save my teenage years.
So what does all this have to do with anything you ask, well I'll tell you this, I spent most of my twenties and some of my thirties thinking I could wing it. I ran away from people I thought were getting too close to avoid being hurt and used. I really believed I didn't need anyone to lean on or talk to. I really felt like I could do it on my own. Wrong, Wrong, Wrong. Save yourself some heartache and pain and listen to some sound advice, YOU CAN'T! Even though I had a wonderful husband I knew I needed something else. I knew I was going to have to be real and open with women again. And so I have started the journey, I have a small group of friends I know I can be honest with, friends I know won't judge me but earnestly love me. I also was just blessed to have someone older than me start speaking into my life. I need that, I feel we all need someone older than us, even if your 70. I mean by 80 you should be good right?? But seriously get someone, pray for that person in your life, its so much easier when we don't feel like we are caring the backpack of life on our on. Trust me on this one, straight from a conformed runaway, our lives are so much better when we stop running and face the truth of ourselves, its a scary journey to take but one you don't have to take alone.