Did you ever get picked last when it was time to pick teams? I know I did pretty much every time. I was never really good at sports, thankfully I didn't pass that wonderful trait down to my kids. I hated getting picked last, when it would get down to just you and that other person and you thought finally I'm getting on the team and what happens, you don't. Then you get that ungrateful response from the Captain who looks at you like great I get stuck with her. Has anyone ever had this happen to them? What about in real life? I know when I was in my twenties it seemed like everyone was getting married before me, every time I turned around I was attending someones wedding shower, or worse baby shower. Talk about feeling in last place. In my late twenties I was married and had a beautiful baby girl, but Nathan and I would have two horrible miscarriages before we could get pregnant again. I remember seeing my beautiful and very pregnant cousin and feeling jealous, jealous that once again I was losing. My dad and brother died later that year and my whole world changed in a instant, my team, my family team had changed. No longer would I have my dad and brother as my team mates. I became upset when I would hear people complain about holidays and having to see their relatives, when I had no one except for my mom to see. It definitely felt like last place. When your working in the real world last place doesn't exactly cut it. No one notices the runner who makes it in last, all the glory usually goes to the person who wins and comes in first. Now that I'm in my mid thirties deadlines have become my priorities: church, bills, kids, my husband. Its easy to get lost in it all and still have dreams and hopes of your own. A lot of times if feels like I'm losing, like I'm in last place. I have no career, I'm not a big movie star, I haven't written my book, I've never even been out of the country. But this one thing I know I do have, God. You see after our two miscarriages, God gave me Grace, literally, He gave me what I thought would never happen again, my beautiful daughter, Isabella Grace and then two sons soon after that. After my dad and brother died God gave me a new definition of family, one that now includes our dearest friends. He didn't replace what was not there He gave me more than what I had. And now even though my future is uncertain I know God's timing is perfect, and His grace is sufficient. Being last isn't always bad sometimes its the best thing. Its hard, its really hard seeing those around you getting picked first feeling like you'll never be on the team. God knows, he hears your heart and knows your desires, He put them there. I remember a scripture I memorized in High School that has stayed with me. I've spoke it to myself hundreds of times when I felt like giving up, when I felt like last was just too hard to bear. It's Psalm 23:1-6, The Lord is my Shepard; I have all that I need. He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name. Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me. You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies. You honor me by anointing my head with oil. My cup overflows with blessing. Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever. Remember being last or feeling like last builds endurance, it builds strength, maybe just maybe you were picked last so you could have the very best.
